This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Fix Your Fucked Up Hair

  Hello again. I am totally insomnia ridden, as I am wont to be, so you're getting two posts in the same "day". Exciting! So anyway, if you have any fun with your hair at all (bleaching, dying, straightening, curling) your hair is at least a little bit fucked up.  My hair has been all kinds of fucked up and it's actually super healthy right now so  I will tell you how that happened.

Red Ombre Killed my hair.

(I just want to quickly mention my boyfriend gave me that shirt, and I wear it to bed since I'm kind of against wearing shirts by bands you don't listen too. Sorry to any Skeleton Witch fans who got excited. )

 So I'm living with my aunt right now and we have had massive fights about me getting hair dye/ the overwhelming smell of bleach all over the house. To avoid this when I had the red ombre going on I began using the "bleach your hair in the bathroom of the LIRR train" method, which I have actually used before and is usually totally fine. A word of caution however, make sure the water in the sink works. It didn't. I had bleach on the ends of my hair for an hour. After it had already been bleached from black like 3 times. Now I've been pretty unrelentingly awful with things I've done to my hair before, but nothing compared to this. The bottom was a completely different texture than the top. The red ombre was one of my favorite looks ever but I just couldn't keep it up after that. Here is how you can fix a terrible screw up like that:

Pixie Cut

~Cut some of it off. Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear but it has to be said. If your hair is that damaged the best thing to do is start over.  When my hair was really damaged a few years ago I cut it all off and when it grew back it was the thickest and nicest it's ever been. I'm not saying you have to go that crazy, but cut a few inches off the bottom or even get some layers, be sure to get those ends off.

~Dye it a solid, darker color. This is something some of you may not wanna hear either, but it's true. If your hair is damaged darker colors will hide it better than lighter ones. I know you've seen the same girls on the train that I have, who've bleached their hair into oblivion and it just looks so thin and damaged and awful. When it gets to that point you kind of have to decide: do I want bleach blonde/hilighted hair or do i want nice hair?  Because sometimes you can't have both and it's more important to have healthy nice hair than to have exactly what you want. I'd love to have hilights or ombre again but bleaching black hair is a whole lot of hell I'm not willing to deal with.

~Sleep with deep conditioner in your hair. Put it on, put on a shower cap, sleep. In fact every minute you're not outside of your house: deep conditioner. Shower cap.  You can use whichever you like, I like the ones at Lush and Kiehl's.

My "real hair" is curly.

 If your hair is not "dear god what have I done?" damaged (if it is you should do this as well as the things I've mentioned above), but could use some work:

~Leave your natural texture alone for awhile: That means if your hair is straight, wear it straight. If it's curly, wear it curly. It doesn't matter if you don't "like" it that way. You'll like it even less if it looks like shit. If it's the summertime or you live somewhere warm, try using no heat at all for a month.

~If you color your hair use the Aveda color depositing conditioners every other day. They're super moisturizing and you're constantly adding "color" to your ends so split ends will show up way less.

~ Use gentler products. R&B hair moisturizer from Lush is really great if you're trying to break away from hairsprays and sticky stuff because it's moisturizing and it controls frizz. Use only the tiniest amount though or you will look like a greaseball. I also like Lush's Shine So Bright split end balm because it smells amazing, works, and you can carry it around in your purse. Aveda's Damage Remedy Daily Hair Repair leave in is also really great because it adds protein back into your hair.

 After the train bleach incident, I did cut a bunch of my hair off, dye it back to all black and baby the shit out of it. So far it's really healthy and growing back!


Hope these suggestions were helpful. Please be nice to your hair :)

Smell Fancy:TokyoMilk Dark "Excess"

Hello, gorgeous.

   Hi! I was visiting my Dad in Florida for a week and came back with TokyoMilk Dark: Excess Perfume and Hand Lotion. It has got to be my favorite thing from the absolute clusterfuck of consumerism that was my birthday. I think that after about 3 years I finally have a signature scent again. When I worked at Kiehl's in a past life, I got totally hooked on the Amber Essence Oil. It smelled great in general, but was absolutely perfect with my body chemistry. It stayed on even after a shower. People would literally stop me on the street and ask me what I was wearing. I vowed never to wear anything else. And then the fuckers discontinued it in favor of some light body sprays that stay on for exactly five minutes and are nowhere near as sophisticated *sigh*.
 
I spent the time between then and now searching for anything that smelled remotely like it. It was like that episode of friends where Rachel started dating a guy named Russ who was really just a poor copy of Ross. It started off ok with me trying the Prada Amber and Kate Walsh's Boyfriend and ended in a very dark place where I was wearing some patchouli abomination from fucking Urban Outfitters that had some slight trace of one of the Kiehl's base notes. I don't even know what brand it was. It just said PATCHOULI on the side of the bottle in purple. Yupp.

I now smell like amber and booze (instead of just booze)

  I've always favored a more masculine perfume scent considering how feminine I dress. This scent is composed of amber resin, oak bark, blood orange, and patchouli. You can really smell the blood orange when you first put it on and while I was really never a  fan of citrus scents, this one manages to not be so light and airy. It fades (at least on me) to something that smells a bit like leather and amber. It lasts a good long time, too. Apparently this is a "winter scent" according to much fancier and more specialized perfume bloggers. However I really like the idea of wearing this musky androgynous  fragrance with a lacy sundress and in the immortal words of Eric Cartman "WHATEVAH, I DO WHAT I WANT!"so I think I'm wearing it year round. It does share some notes with the dearly departed Amber essence, but it's got it's own thing going on. And I finally think I'm okay with that because I love it. I feel like it smells like me. I have thought other things were decent since the Amber essence, but this one has me smelling myself like a weirdo which I haven't done since I wore that.

Smelling myself like a weirdo.

  I did manage to smell the entire collection before deciding to take this one home with me, and it's a solid collection. I really didn't want this to be "the one" at first because Tainted Love had a skeleton key on the bottle and I loved the way it looked. I just thought it smelled terrible on me though, way too sweet for my taste. I am warming up to this one, the octopus is really cute too. The packaging on this line in general is really beautiful considering how "cheap" people who are actually employed keep saying it is. The fragrance is $36 and the hand cream is $22. I try to only spritz myself once a day but I quite enjoy carrying the hand cream around and putting it on because it feels great and the tube is just very very pretty. The tube also comes in a snazzy little pouch and if these are the sorts of trivialities that matter to you (as they do to me) you will really enjoy this whole experience.

Living off the Land: Do your whole face up in Sephora

  Hello there. While I am patiently waiting to get a real job, I thought I'd write you guys a post about what I'm up to (which is mostly going out all the time without really enough money to do it with).

  So if you suddenly find yourself already on the street, with no make up, and are randomly invited out, go to Sephora where your face can go from "0" to "dirty whore" in about 15 mins. They have testers, they have disposable applicators, it all seems pretty self explanatory right? It would be if the lighting in these places wasn't totally fucking horrendous. Which it is. In every single one of them. I imagine when they're erecting a new one (haha, I said "erecting") that they bring a couple different lights and a mirror and stop only when everyone involved looks like they have scurvy. This makes doing a full face of make up in there very difficult (coincidence? I think not).  Here are some tips that make it easier.

 ~ First off, you need a base that won't end up an entirely different skin color than the rest of you.  Take advantage of the fact that a myriad of moisturizers and eye creams are at your disposal in the same store as the make up, the smoother your face is the more seamlessly the make up will blend with your skin. Use the sheerest coverage you can get away with, preferably a BB cream or tinted moisturizer because if it is not exactly the right color it will be way less noticeable and easier to blend with fingers. If you need more coverage in a certain area, use a concealer. If you're confused about the shade, go one lighter since their overall lighting scheme seems to bleach everything out and that can cause make up that would usually be too dark to look just right.

~ Use a cream blush. They used to have a can of make up brushes everyone could use. While that wasn't the most sanitary thing in the world it was extremely convenient. Now all they have are these sad looking sponge things that will absolutely cake on powder blush. Use a cream blush because you can rub it in with your fingers. I know that if you have any sort of blemish or red mark that you think cream blush is your enemy, but that's not always true. After you've rubbed the normal amount on, mix a little cream based concealer with some of the blush and pat it on any marks. It should blend more seamlessly with the blush.

~ Use an eyeshadow base, it makes things spread more evenly on your eyelid and you are bound to miss something in this light. I personally like Urban Decay.

~ Use shimmery colors. They can be applied less precisely than matte colors. I find it's best to use a cream shadow first because as you open your eye it creates sort of a natural shape and crease and it's much easier to follow that with powder than to create your own shape in bad lighting. Layer a few colors over each other and blend the shit out of it. Try to make it look "smudged and smokey" on purpose.

~ Use a serious mascara (like Dior Show) to emphasize your lashes even though you can't use an eyelash curler. Hold the wand at the base of your lashes an push them up to give them a little lift anyway.

~ Choose a lipstain as opposed to a lipstick or gloss. It will stay on longer. If you need some shine and have at least a dollar, use a lipstain for color and then buy a 99 cent clear gloss from NYC at the drugstore.

~ Most importantly: keep reminding yourself as you're staring at every magnified pore on your face that this is not really what you look like and you do not need to walk with a paper bag over your head from now on. The lighting is just evil. I've gone into Sephora with some insanely beautiful people with flawless skin and they still looked bad. It's a total trap. The upside to this is if you can make yourself look remotely decent *in* Sephora, you will look pretty amazing when you come out. Some of the best make up looks I've ever done were in Sephora. Trust.

Full face done in Sephora. I'm not mooching, I'm "living off the land" ;)

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Review of the Tanda Zap

Hey guys. I am officially an Aveda graduate! No more school. I'm trying not to think of how scary real life is, so I'll review this nifty esthetic gadget I've had for about a month. Cool?

Nuke those fuckers!

 So this device treats break outs  with a mix of blue light and pulsating heat. Blue light is antiseptic and this is along the same lines as the fancy light therapy you get from the dermatologist except that it won't cost you $832632846 dollars. It's $50.00 at Sephora which is pretty pricey but it does work! The problem people have with these sorts of products is that their expectations are not realistic in the first place and so they are bound to be disappointed and then write about it on the internet. This thing is not a scam, but it's not a miracle worker. It follows some pretty distinct guidelines for optimal results.

First of all it can *completely* get rid of a zit in just one day. There are just conditions. You have to get it at exactly the right minute. Right when it's under the skin, before it's really anything but you can feel something there. If you do that it absolutely will get rid of the thing. Gone. No whitehead, no red mark, like it never existed. It's just that getting to it in time is a pain in the ass. A lot of things about this are a pain in the ass, but are worth it. I suggest carrying it around with you (it's small enough to fit in your make up bag) and risking looking like an asshole on the subway. Small price to pay for clear skin IMO. So what if you were too late and you already got the pimple? It will significantly help. If you use it enough times. Which is about 10. And this thing eats batteries, so again I remind you that it's a giant pain in the ass. I like to use it while I'm sitting on the computer or reading so it's not quite such a tedious process.

The bottom line with the Tanda is that while it may not be the most user friendly thing in the world, I think the results are well worth it. My skin has been looking pretty clear and much less blotchy than it used to. If you were ever looking into light therapy or alternative methods of dealing with acne, give this a shot.

Clarisonic Mia Review

I've heard a lot of noise about the Clarisonic Mia

I have this guy in purple :)

  Let me begin this review with a disclaimer: Do not exfoliate your face every day. Please for the love of god do not exfoliate your face every day. It's really unhealthy for the majority of people. This little guy has a time and a place in your life and that is most likely once a week. This is my professional advice, I however have been using it once a day. In the words of many people's parents "Do as I say, not as I do." I use it once a day because Accutane changed my skin forever and now it's prone to being extremely dry and flakey. Before using the Mia, I was also able to exfoliate once a day using a scrub. My skin loves it. I'm not exactly sure why. Pre Accutane that would irritate the shit out of me. It will probably irritate the shit out of you. I do not advise it in general. Skin is weird, people. There are a lot of general rules and guidelines, but there are also a lot of "flukes". Some weird, random shit works for certain people for seemingly no reason. I'm sure there is someone out there who has beautiful skin courtesy of that god forsaken St. Ives Apricot Scrub that's the bane of my existence.

  Anyway the point I will eventually get to is that I love this thing. I've heard there can be issues with it and break out prone skin but not for me. In the two weeks I've used it it has had no effect on that whatsoever. I broke out due to hormones when I normally break out, and didn't at any other time. I was sad it wasn't the miracle cure for hormonal acne, but it did do wonders for the texture of my skin. It's so much smoother and softer. I had a bit of a rougher texture for a bit and now that's pretty much gone. It also makes make up apply so much smoother! I use it once in the morning before I apply my BB cream (and concealer if it's needed that day) and it just looks so much smoother and blends with my skin more evenly. And I really like the way it feels ok? I mean who doesn't love things that vibrate? I think this is definitely worth trying. Sephora has a great return policy if you're not satisfied with it.  It is pretty damn expensive, but if you want really smooth skin it's worth it.
 

Great for a smoother BB cream application!

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Jenni Must Have...

Jenni Halina is a model and actress. She also makes music under the name Girl in Dreamland. Jenni currently splits her time between NYC and Los Angeles. You can stalk her on the internet at jennihalina.com, girlindreamland.tumblr.com, and imdb.com/name/nm3900384. Here are some of her favorite products!


1- Nivea cream - my lips are always chapped. They look like someone took a cheese grater to them.  I put Nivea on at night and it’s soothing and they are usually soft again by morning.

2- Almay black eyeliner- easy to apply, can’t leave home without my eyeliner. I’ve even had guys say to me “I really like how you do your eyes” or “I like how you just wear eyeliner and that’s it and it really works for you.” This color is meant to bring out Hazel eyes; my eyes are brown but I prefer black liner to the purple which is recommended for brown eyes, though I have tried the purple and it is quite pretty as are the other colors. I like Almay a lot in general.

3- Creed ‘Spring Flower’ perfume- Super expensive, I ran out, so if anyone wants to buy me a present! It smells like a dream. Designed for Audrey Hepburn originally, but just because I’m not a famous movie star (yet) doesn’t mean I can’t wear it.

4- Sephora tinted moisturizer with spf 15 - moisturizer. tinted. spf. need I say more? Not too pricey and makes your skin feel great.

5- Pomengranate scented soap from Provence. There’s a little store near a place I was staying in Los Angles during a show I was in; it sold this soap here. I fell in love with soap. I bought 2 or 3 little blocks of it and then ended up buying 6 more through out the rest of the month I was in that town.  I saved two bars for wherever I stay next, and am going through withdrawals. I need to just go back and get more or order some.

Honorable Mention- I’ve recently discovered a line of makeup called e.l.f. It’s super cheap and good for basic stuff like mascara and eyeliner. A lot of their products cost less than five dollars. This was only 3 dollars! I’m serious. I used a lot of these products for the play I was in because I thought my other makeup was stolen. Then somewhere along the way it turned up, but I still continued to use e.l.f.’s clear mascara to tame fly-aways, their eyelid primer and this eyebrow shaping kit.  I especially love the eyebrow kit, because my eyebrows are always a mess; I either over pluck or they are uneven. This is a simple kit that helps you even out and accentuate your brows in the right way for your face shape.